The 21st-century Doctorate

Letter From Lagado

On April 1, the Litcritological Subcommittee of the multiracial, multicultural, multidisciplinary Re/Visioning Committee for a 21st-century Doctorate presented the English Department with a plan that will make Lagado University the first in the United States with a doctoral program fully adapted to the needs of the 21st-century American graduate student.

The plan integrates our copyrighted fail-safe grading system (which has been safeguarding graduate students against any possibility of course failure since 1984) with a totally reconceptualized set of terminal examinations and dissertation parameters for the new "Ph.D.lite."

The subcommittee's model for a revised written examination emphasizes multiple-choice and true/false "items" (grad students react negatively to the word "question"). Graduate students who have completed all of their course requirements will be invited to respond to at least 200 items correctly. There are to be no penalties for incorrect responses, but there must be at least 200 correct replies for a student to pass. The test is to incorporate 1,500 items altogether, all of them based on readings from the Glibb Notes for Graduate Students series, including 175 which register a perfect 1.000 on the Clinton/Kendall Ambiguity Index (i.e., true/false "questions" which are both true and false, and multiple choice "questions" with four correct,...

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