Cultural Revolutions

Only Suitable for Bumper Stickers

"Choose life" does not "foster choice," or so said Florida Governor Lawton Chiles when he vetoed the manufacturing of license plates with this pro-life message. Was it the smiling faces on the license plate he didn't like? The bright colors? More likely, he just didn't want to offend anyone. Apparently, the ol' he-coon was disappointed that "choosing life" has nothing to do with abortion clinics, and he just didn't want to promote a political message. That's understandable. Perhaps a little help is what is needed here.

To appease the liberal left of America, who feel most disenfranchised over the issue, I propose the following pro-choice license plates of which even Walkin' Lawton himself might approve. First and foremost, the anti-life crowd might like a "Choose Death" auto tag; in black, of course, with a picture of Jack Kevorkian in the corner, just for kicks. Or how about a "Choose Tax" license plate graced with a smoldering cigarette to signify the government's latest squeeze play for more big bucks. Kids will think it is the coolest thing since Joe Camel, even if they have to pay a little extra for it. And what socialist could refuse it?

For all you soccer moms out there, I recommend the highly fashionable "Choose Stupidity" plate. This popular little item not only displays your own ignorance, but also helps to promote the public...

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