American Proscenium

Lost in Space

The world is so messy, and the schedule so cluttered, what with the diverse man who shot all the pitiable unarmed military service­persons, not to mention the Winter Holiday panty-­fizzle-bomber, and there was an inappropriate, unauthorized earthquake in Haiti, and yet even more entropically, there was a problem about Americans watching television, or should I say cable TV or satellite TV, because there is no more broadcast TV.  You remember, the corporations bribed Congress, but, to resume: It’s just so hard (and I’m talking fiendishly difficult) to schedule anything at all when everybody else has a different agenda—there are so many channels, not to mention TiVo and Net­flix and YouTube and all those old DVDs.  There are all the porn channels and the gay channels and the shopping channels, and, what is more, deep in the White House there was free-floating anxiety about the sensitivities of viewers who were going to watch the season premiere of ABC’s Lost.  You can’t challenge the demographic of that, man!  Look at the numbers!  Do the math!  I’m talking about the wrath of an aroused citizenry with sawed-offs and machetes and everything, if you dare even to think about preempting the season premiere of ABC’s Lost!  So the Prez postponed and rescheduled because he had finally reached the bedrock principles of the American people, which have to do with TV-watching habits. ...

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