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Chronicles’ Politics by the Numbers Dept. ™

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By:John Seiler | September 24, 2014

I’m starting something new here: Chronicles’ by the Numbers Dept. ™

1. Branches of government

An Annenberg Public Policy Center survey found only 36 percent of Americans correctly can identify the “three branches of government” in the United States. And 35 percent could not name a single branch.

But I’m sure Chronicles readers know the three branches:

  1. The Oligarchy
  2. The Bureaucracy
  3. The Technocracy

2. The NFL and domestic abuse

The newspapers and TV networks took time off from the ISIS and Ukraine crises for something more important: 24/7 coverage of the domestic-abuse crisis in the NFL, America’s state religion. My contacts in the NFL home office in New York City said:

The Top 10 NFL Actions to Crack Down on Domestic Violence

10. New NFL commissioner: Gloria Steinem
9. Husbands and boyfriends limited to watching one Sunday game
8. Half of all NFL starting players from the Independent Women’s Football League
7. Cheerleaders wear burqas
6. New federal Department of Sports
5. At stadiums, only Near Beer served
4. Two words: Touch football
3. New federal Department of Domestic Violence
2. For kids, spanking out. Abortion in
1. During halftime ceremonies at future Super Bowls, players convicted of domestic violence will be beheaded

Comments

 

 
Clyde Wilson
Columbia
9/24/2014 09:52 PM
 

  What about the plutocracy? Or is that included in the oligarchy.

 
 
Robert
Mudville
9/25/2014 02:42 PM
 

  "domestic-abuse crisis in the NFL" This has been going on for years in the NFL.Yet these same leftist condemning "domestic" violence are the same ones stumping to expand combat roles for women in our armed forces. I guess what the left is saying is "treat your women folk nice at home so they can fight like hell abroad?" Equality is bunk. They do deserve better but they won't find it from the leftist.

 
 
Ray Olson
St. Paul
9/25/2014 02:57 PM
 

  Thank you, Mr. Seiler, for giving me the best top-o'-th'-mornin' moment in ages! Should the NFL actually do all the suggested cracking-down, I might watch my first NFL game ever. In the meantime, I may read, and I suggest you may find interesting, Against Football: One Fan's Reluctant Manifesto by Steve Almond, whom I heard on my favorite public affairs program, This Is Hell, a few weeks ago, and who impressed me.

 
 
John
Seiler
9/26/2014 05:37 PM
 

  Dr. Wilson: The oligarchy and the plutocracy are the same. Plutocracy seems to be less used nowadays, perhaps because Pluto was declared not a planet. Ray Olson: I've pretty much given up on the NFL, too. But if somebody invites me over for a game and beer, I'll go.

 
 
Phil
Tempe
9/28/2014 09:38 PM
 

  Oh gosh, congrats. That was great. Can you imagine if David Letterman ever had as good a top ten countdown. I might not have thrown out my TV, ten years ago - happily. What a relief that was, I can't tell you. ... # 7 is actually a 2fer: 'cheerleaders wear burqas.' That's also equality in action, anyone could try out. I'd even give it a shot if it included a veil. Decent jobs are hard to come by. Wishful thinking...Then maybe I'd get cast in a Miller Lite ad: I'd remove the veil and reveal my mustache (as I looked around to be sure I wouldn't be spotted, and quickly chugged the beer.)

 
 
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