Black Helicopters and the Morning Militia

People in other cities, said an Army spokesman, don't get their feathers ruffled during midnight helicopter invasions. What is it about Pittsburghers that caused them to pour into the streets in their underwear during recent treetop antiterrorist maneuvers? Nine Army helicopters swooped into Pittsburgh one midnight in June, complete with the sounds of mock gunfire and explosions that shook the ground. "In my grandma's neighborhood," said Kelly, "people laid down in the streets. The noises came in through the open windows. The helicopters were flying so low you could've hit them with a broom handle. They thought the communists were coming to take over, or that it was aliens!"

Timothy, the owner of LaDolce Vita Sweet Shop, said he wasn't surprised to see masked soldiers sliding down ropes onto rooftops from helicopters. "They've been doing extractions around here for a long time," he said, referring to Pittsburgh's missing persons. One woman, as she peered out her apartment window in the wee hours at the unmarked black helicopters, said, "Oh my God, the militia was right!" On the other hand, "These people are a bunch of crybabies," decided Grandpa Bup, a World War II veteran. "They should've felt the ground shake when a 3,000 pound bomb was dropped on London."

The helicopter exercises, conducted by the U.S. Army Special Operations Command...

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