The teeming masses yearning to be free . . .
The Caravan of Peace approaches. The massive, marching throng grows by the day. It’s an Act of Love. And another is already forming, ready to bring more peace and love our way, thousands ready to sacrifice everything and enter our racist, white supremacist country seeking a better life. They are refugees from shithole countries, some of the most violent on earth, who nevertheless wave their national flags and sing their national songs. It’s about the children, you see, though we can’t be sure the children they bring are their own, since, poor dears, perhaps they have been sold to a coyote to create fake “families” and more readily enter our racist, white supremacist country. It’s for our own good. That’s why they burn American flags, to show us it is all for own good. We should be grateful.
It’s a long trek from Central America, so our friends in Mexico must help them along the way, and direct them to entry points for the poor, huddled masses yearning to be free to enter our racist, white supremacist country and seek a better life. Besides, Mexico enjoys sticking it to the Yanqui. And it’s our own fault. If the peaceful migrants trash out the countries they pass through and occasionally behave in a less than exemplary manner, you must not notice! Noticing indicates racist tendencies. That’s very bad.
Most of the migrants (think of them as civil rights marchers, and the scales will fall from your eyes) seem to be healthy young men of just the sort an anxious, racist, white supremacist country filled with BBQ Beckys we must believe women except when we shouldn’t) might fear to have within its borders as they come from shithole countries with lots of crime. But we must not judge. That would be “profiling,” and, besides, it’s all for own good. There are certainly budding entrepreneurs among them! Inventive types who will be the salvation of our lazy, racist country. Haven’t the drug cartels shown us that? Haven’t you heard of the opioid crisis? It’s all about marketing.
Some of women that are in the Caravan of Peace will be raped along the way, but we must not dwell on that, as it would distract us from our duty to destroy the misogynistic Rape Culture that plagues our own racist, white supremacist country. Hear their cries! Let us in your racist country, bigots! We want a better life! Haven’t you heard that 90% of success in life is just showing up? Well, bigots, we will soon be at your doorstep! Success! We intend to invade—ah, seek refuge—in your racist country. We long to be the teeming masses that set you free! We are proud of our s--thole countries, which we left because we are seeking a better life in your racist, white supremacist land. Just remember that! It’s for your own good, white people, so hurry up and die! We are the Caravan of Peace.
The Orange Man (We must avoid referring to him as “President Trump,” which might trigger the snowflakes. Repeat after me: Voting is my civic duty, so long as I exercise the franchise in a correct, unselfish, democratic way by voting for a candidate who will not under any circumstances protect my interests. Got it? Good) claims the Caravan of Peace represents a national emergency and says he has alerted the military. Yet some members of his own staff are resisting the unstable Orange Man. The Swamp (Don’t use that term! It’s probably a white supremacist dog whistle! seems to think that allowing a mob—excuse me, a crowd of peaceful, entrepreneurial civil rights marchers—to invade (Stop it! Seek refuge. Your embarrassing crypto-fascist tendencies are showing!) our country is for our own good. Securing American borders threatens stability! Besides, there’s Syria to think of! We have borders to protect in the Middle East! Because Putin!
Does the Orange Man know he is president? Does he realize that underneath all the legalese his Deep State (Again, that’s a trigger word. There is no Deep State. Main Stream Media say so, so it must be true advisors throw at him, one of the most fundamental duties of the state is to repel invasion? Let’s hope so, because we live here.
Corresponding Editor Wayne Allensworth is the author of The Russian Question (Rowman&Littlefield) and a novel, Field of Blood (Endeavour Media), a story of the border crisis and its impact on the fictional town of Parmer, Texas.