I’m starting something new here: Chronicles’ by the Numbers Dept. ™

1. Branches of government

An Annenberg Public Policy Center survey found only 36 percent of Americans correctly can identify the “three branches of government” in the United States. And 35 percent could not name a single branch.

But I’m sure Chronicles readers know the three branches:

  1. The Oligarchy
  2. The Bureaucracy
  3. The Technocracy

2. The NFL and domestic abuse

The newspapers and TV networks took time off from the ISIS and Ukraine crises for something more important: 24/7 coverage of the domestic-abuse crisis in the NFL, America’s state religion. My contacts in the NFL home office in New York City said:

The Top 10 NFL Actions to Crack Down on Domestic Violence

10. New NFL commissioner: Gloria Steinem
9. Husbands and boyfriends limited to watching one Sunday game
8. Half of all NFL starting players from the Independent Women’s Football League
7. Cheerleaders wear burqas
6. New federal Department of Sports
5. At stadiums, only Near Beer served
4. Two words: Touch football
3. New federal Department of Domestic Violence
2. For kids, spanking out. Abortion in
1. During halftime ceremonies at future Super Bowls, players convicted of domestic violence will be beheaded