Herewith, some exercises in the New Symbolic Logic, inspired by arguments against symbols of the Confederacy.
Sociopath and terrorist Dylann Storm Roof murdered nine Christian black people. Dylann Roof liked the Confederate Battle Flag. Therefore, the Confederate Battle Flag causes people to commit mass murder and become terrorists. And therefore, the Confederate Battle Flag should be removed from public view, never to be sold at Walmart or auctioned on eBay again.
Sociopath and terrorist Anders Breivik murdered 77 people. Anders Breivik is a Zionist
. Therefore, Zionism caused him to commit mass murder and become a terrorist. And therefore, all dispensationalist literature at all evangelical churches, plus The Weekly Standard
and Left Behind
, should be removed from public view, never to be sold at Walmart or auctioned on eBay again.
I've thought of another!
and Jesse Jackson
are named after slaveowners and slavery defenders. Everything connected, however remotely, with slaveowners and slavery defenders (Philemon?) is tainted with an evil so profound that it must be cleansed immediately
, although such cleansing can never fully absolve. Therefore, America and Jesse Jackson must immediately change their names and spend the rest of their lives in sackcloth and ashes.
The great thing about the New Symbolic Logic is that, since no traditional symbol is free of guilt by association, liberals at the DNC and MSNBC will never run out of things to denounce, and (liberals in) the GOP will never run out of things to denounce belatedly and apologize for ineffectively. (Or did you forget that Josh Duggar's decade-old crimes mean that all opposition to same-sex marriage is bigoted and hateful?)
And speaking of things inescapable, here's one: By the lights of the New Symbolic Logic, the very notion of conservatism is bigoted and hateful and racist. There is nothing one might wish to conserve that cannot ultimately be associated with something that everyone agrees to be evil. [Confederate Battle Flag = . . . = Murder.] Of course, the South is really behind the eight-ball here, because every symbol—person, place, or thing—that is indentifiably Southern can be denounced, if the left deems it necessary, with the reply, "because of slavery." As Clyde Wilson has written in Chronicles
and elsewhere, the liberal elite imagines that it is its duty to tell Southerners—indeed, all conservatives—what their symbols mean
This Manichaean, left-liberal worldview admits only change and "progress." And every poll and social-science data dump will always reveal that the latest application of the New Symbolic Logic has advanced freedom and human rights and made all of our lives better and safer. The left needs only to wait for the next tragedy to occur for another debate to be "sparked."
Aaron D. Wolf (1973-2019) was Chronicles' executive editor. His writings have appeared in numerous magazines and newspapers. He was a frequent guest on Issues, Etc. (Lutheran Public Radio) and The Paul Youngblood Show (nta.fm), and has appeared on several other radio programs, including The Tom Clark Show (Wisconsin Public Radio) and Extension 720 With Milt Rosenberg (WGN).