Under the Black Flag

Animal Planet

Like the songs tell us, June is busting out all over, and love is in the air.  Unlike humans, dolphins can never get enough of love.  They are constantly nuzzling and staring into each other’s eyes.  And they are known to make love—up to 43 times in half an hour.  That beats Tiger’s record by a mile, and then some.  Next time you ladies want to say something about sex addiction and your cheating boyfriends, think of the dolphins and give your boyfriends a pass.

Bonobos—a type of chimp and our closest living ancestor—are even more addicted than dolphins and Tiger Woods.  They are always at it, lovemaking being a social currency, like a handshake or sharing a cup of tea.  Just think of how many times a Frenchman shakes hands, multiply it by a hundred, and that’s how a certain chimp spends his day.  Yippee!

Giant pandas sing love songs when horny.  They blurt out a variety of barks, moans, roars, growls, and squeals when looking for a hot date, which is quite normal when you think of it.  Female pandas also use their own chirps and snorts to convey information about their age and temperament.  Young male pandas prefer older females in order to mate.  Experience trumps looks where pandas are concerned, something I wish the human race would adhere to right now.

Mind you, although I might sound desperate, I still wouldn’t go so far as the...

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