As the former governor of Illinois crisscrossed the country on his farewell tour, I kept imagining him lying back in his seat, scalp being massaged by his personal hairstylist (it takes work to keep that Serbian gangster hairdo in pristine shape), while an old Mac Davis song played on an endless loop on his iPod:
O Lord, it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
’cause I get better looking each day
“Here, Bobby, hold that mirror up. I gotta work on my smile. Those gals on The View are gonna fall for my eyes.”
And fall they did. Once Hot Rod’s hand was on her knee, Whoopi Gold-berg could feel his pain. A colored man just can’t get a break in the white man’s world.
In the end, though, it was Blagojevich who fell the hardest, but that wasn’t his fault, either. Turns out that federal district attorney Patrick Fitzgerald is a regular Mr. Potter, trying to keep Milorad Bailey from helping the people of Illinois live a wonderful life. On January 23, he explained it all to WLS’s Don Wade and Roma:
You know those old black and white movies from the 30’s and the 40’s with Jimmy Stewart and Gary Cooper? Mr. Smith...