Cultural Revolutions

Church Business

Church conventions are the business of summertime in democratized Christian America.  While normal, sane men are taking their boys to ball games or running trot lines by the light of a Coleman lantern, grown men (and women) are sitting in earnest before professional parliamentarians and video monitors in conference centers across the fruited plane, armed with wireless keypads, ready to decide the fate of their beloved  denominations, if not the Faith once delivered to the saints Itself.

Being temporarily insane, I agreed to serve as a delegate to the Northern Illinois District Convention of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, which was held (appropriately) at The Q Center in St. Charles, Illinois—the former national training compound for the recently deceased Arthur Andersen LLP.  Amid seemingly endless rounds of voting on the multiple Whereases and Resolveds of a variety of heterodox resolutions, we were treated to various bush-league video presentations on five jumbotron screens, all centered on the LCMS’s Ablaze!™ evangelism program/advertising campaign, which appears to be designed to transform Lutherans into Baptists.

At least we had domestic beer and cheap Merlot to help us through.  Down in Greensboro, North Carolina, four fifths of the “Messengers” to the Southern Baptist Convention’s Annual Meeting voted in favor of a resolution condemning...

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