Cultural Revolutions

A Wardrobe Malfunction

Another super bowl has come and gone, and this one was a real bodice ripper.  While the game was one of the closest contests in the 38-year history of the quest for the Vince Lombardi Trophy, most of the press coverage focused on the last two seconds of the AOL Halftime Show, Produced by MTV.  Quarterback Tom Brady of the New England Patriots was no doubt pleased that his team’s last-second victory was quickly overshadowed by the curve of Janet Jackson’s breast.

Parents and other interested parties expressed shock and awe, flooding the CBS switchboards with angry protestations: Whose idea was it to have the metrosexual Justin Timberlake tear off half of Janet (“Ms. Jackson, if you’re nasty”) Jackson’s Nazi dominatrix top, leaving nothing between our eyes and her breast, save a small, round metallic decoration?  Were CBS executives aware that Timberlake planned to act out the words “Gonna have you nekkid by the end of this song”?  Will CBS ever allow MTV to produce another halftime show?  (Does it matter that both networks are owned by Viacom?)  Must our children be subjected to such sights “during the dinner hour”?  We, the parents of America, demand answers!

The FCC, we have been assured, is launching a full-scale investigation, and, by the time you read this, Timberlake and Jackson may be in Guantanamo Bay, awaiting...

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