Vital Signs

It Ain’t My Fault

I am trying to lose a few extra pounds and have been reasonably good as of late.  The other day, however, some Brach’s chocolate eggs began calling out to me: “Eat me, eat me.”  I was powerless to resist, so strong is my addiction.  In just an hour, I had devoured a pound of them.  I’ve decided to stand up for all Americans and sue Brach’s.

After all, I’ve spent the last decade or so more than 50 pounds overweight.  Only with great effort did I take off most of the excess last year.  But the calorie pushers are making it hard for me to keep it off.

There are, of course, many evil fat dealers.  So I was pleased to read about a  legal summit in June at Northeastern University, at which a coterie of activist lawyers who torture the law for a living plotted a strategy for “attacking obesity.”

Luckily, they are not going to push the tiresome mantra “eat less, exercise more.”  That’s almost impossible to do when you are surrounded by fat sellers, attempting to hook you on their dangerous products.

New strategies are desperately needed.  Over the years, George Washington University’s John Banzhaf has led the way in suing everyone for everything.  He recently targeted McDonald’s and other fast-food restaurants, seemingly a good strategy since they obviously are responsible...

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