The Paris Hilton Hilton
That should be the new name for the Los Angeles jail where the monkey-faced blond socialite would have been spending time if she were not a celebrity. Taki once commented (ironically) on one of my pieces that I had failed to mention Paris Hilton. This is my attempt to make remedy the deficiency.
I cannot turn on the radio, pick up a newspaper, or go out to dinner without hearing about Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton. Yes, it is all true. She is ugly white trash. Ordinarily I would say of a spoiled young party girl that she deserves to be spanked, but I do not even like to think about getting that close--though Ozzy Osbourne's son is bragging about being among her thousands of casual--what shall we call them?--orgasm-exchangers. Yes, she needs to be punished--perhaps a fine of several million dollars would do some good--but jail? Nobody, but nobody except a child rapist belongs in jail.
If ever there were a cruel and inhuman form of punishment forbidden by our Constitution, it is incarceration. Of course, some prisoners must be held for trial, others for execution, but prisons as a form of punishment were invented by moral perverts (Quakers) who presumed the right to change other people's lives. The state has the right to exercise vengeance against evil-doers but not to change their character. Last weekend I was having dinner with some very nice people in Baton Rouge, and, after some initial joking, they agreed that jail time was too severe for Miss Hilton, but one of them balked at a mere fine: "I'd prefer Community Service, which might do her some good." First of all, I doubt that it would, but, more importantly, it is not our job or Los Angeles' job to do good to strangers. Let her pay, say, $10,000 per day for every day of her sentence she does not serve, and turn the money over to some unworthy cause like public education. (See, modern governments cannot do anything right..)
The appropriate penalties for white collar crimes are confiscatory fines; more violent criminals should be beaten and subjected to public ridicule. Crimes against the people, such as acting in Steven Spielberg movies, producing the Shawn Hannity show or promoting free trade and open borders, could best be punished with a sentence of exile. Capital crimes such as murder, rape, armed robbery, kidnapping, and arson should entail (not necessarily in all cases) execution. A wife who kills her husband may deserve to die, but not to become the slave of bureaucrats and the sexual psychopaths who are taken care of in our state prisons.
Paris Hilton is a spoiled rich celebrity who has tried to stay out of jail. Who wouldn't? If we have to have prisons, at least let them be reserved for violent criminals who can rape and kill each other. Listening to the talkshow Jeremiahs gleefully predicting sex slavery and regular beatings for Paris Hilton and Scooter Libby, I begin to wonder what kind of people I am living among. The pat on the wrist given recently to the wife of Paris Hilton's prosecutor, who was arrested on a nine year old warrant for the same crime as Miss Hilton, has only made the conversation worse. Imagine, a man with political power does not want his wife treated the same way as other criminals! Yes, Mr. Delgadillo was wrong in all the other cases, but he is certainly right to protect his wife.
The populist rabble are calling for Paris Hilton's blood, the libertarian rabble are whining about Michelle Delgadillo. In the midst of the moral outrage two simple points are obscured. The first is one of justice: ordinary scofflaws who run up traffic tickets and library fines should not be threatened with the most degrading form of punishment ever conceived by totalitarian-minded religious fanatics. The second is one of humanity: Paris Hilton and Michelle Delgadillo are human beings, and to gloat over their misfortune or desire their degradation is to join the bigoted rabble that hate and kill the human fellows who belong to a different race or social class, practice a different religion, or simply have connections. When someone knows someone who knows someone who can get her out of jail, I say God bless you!